Halloween Nightmares

The whole family has come to visit me tonight, on my husband's side, this time. How is it possible to live in an illusion for so many years. I thought they taught me what Love was. My husband taught me how to love. And I married his family too. He did a great job of keeping me protected and safe. How little we know, how much to discover. Tonight I heard my given name called by Harry. I asked what he wanted to tell me. I knew of course, my daughter is home sick alone. We both sit together protecting and keeping her safe in the Light.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM "THE HAGOPIAN'S

Giania, Jon, Me, Louis and Perry Hagopian

Hey this is a first in a long time. Big Jon, me and Perr Bear, Luigi in the pumkin patch. Only Matusha is missing. It was a wonderful day. Just not the same without Maro.

Laurel and Louis and Louis's pet dog for the week. Had to take him everywhere with him as a school project. He took good care of him accept for throwing him at me once. haha Boys will be boys.

Here I am in all my glory amongst my orange colored fruit. Fashion statement.

I have come a long way this year baby...No doubt about it. Thank you Family.

Upside Down

Antsy tonight. 4 AM awake. Am I imagining that the Train whistles, sound like loud, screechy car horns? Tell me they changed them from the old romantic train whistle from the past I once loved? Anyway they no longer put me to sleep. They annoyingly wake me up. Maybe I hear differently since the radiation.
I heard Ella Fitzgerald singing "Must you dance every dance with the same fortunate man? "You have danced with him since the music began, can't you change partners and dance with me." The whole song was to a woman. Ella was I hearing things? I am hearing things vise versa. My hair is itchy, I guess that means it's growing and healing. How can hair be itchy, see what I mean. Weird night.

Darkness in the Middle of the Night

Waiting to go to Doctors today. Another Medication he wants me to take. Another MRI of my head. Unnerving. All of it forces you to go to that dark place I was in last night. I was looking for myself in the dark, trying to see myself. Saying, where am I? Went to the mirror in the dark and there were images and moving waves of light, but not so bright. A man alone. My husband, daughter, tears...The greatest thing is I remembered my dreams. Yes Finally! Takes the edge off of the darkness, knowing everything is temporary. Without Dreams you have nothing. Even darkness is something.

Making out with the Inner Body

Nurit Nardi's class on Guided Imagery at the support house on Wednesday night is
wonderful..Nurit is terrific. Closed eyes in Smart Bells this week another way to become aware of our inner worlds while in movement. Qigong, has captured the graceful bird in all of us. Looks like this is the season for really becoming aware of our inner physical body. Our in and out processes. I guess I am discovering a different in and out in the second half of my life.

MAMO MONTH

Autumn in New York at the Beach

Autumn on the Beach is pure and heaven and blissfully healing. Huge waves washing the shore calming the nerves edginess with each release of ones salty breath. Hollow and free to refresh ones triple. Remember the Triple in "Trapeze" Tumbling 3 times through the air and landing in the hands of Burt Lancaster. Yep that is what it feels like to serve autumn at the beach.
phi

Here's Amy

check out that hair do of mine. haha. Good times. Good memories. great growing experiences .. for sure....always in the Love and the Light.
me, Jackie, Ujj and Amy

Autumn in New York

I am up again at the bewitching hour. Filled with relationship thoughts of the past. Seems the past never really leaves you alone. Once brought to the center of your self. There they are raising their little heads all living in there, saying "You were not there, but I remember you". "Forgotten moments?" "No! "Just not really lived". Because I wasn't there. I am alone now but not really lonely.
Glittering crowds and shimmering clouds in cannons of steel.
Phi

Pet Scan

Positive results...50% decrease at all sites. It is working. I am most grateful for my horrible experience with treatment. For without it, where would I be? Thank you, thank you to all who have taken part in my support groups. Your encouragement means a lot to me. Your challenge to stretch further makes all the difference. Still 50% more to go. All my Love Forever and for Always.
Philly's healing.

Carried over

Up at 2:00 am ..I just went to bed. well at 10:00 pm. So what am I doing up?
Eyes want to sleep. But soul says no. For somewhere in between is a lingering refrain. Of someone in trouble. I know I cannot help unravel her dilemma. But maybe I can make her life a little easier or get her to clear her mind. To make room for something positive to enter. I am reminded of another, who was very close to me. That helpless feeling. Mixed with not wanting to get emeshed in the web of confusion and chaos. I lost her to her blinded soul. There was no resolve for her. It was to late. The only way out was death. And it was so. I am reminded of the unresolved. I will just listen..and not try to fix. I will just be me. nix fixer upper.