Heartaches ouch!

Here is where I go when my heart aches. Big Lou fills up all the space and I am OK again. My Love Light.

photo by MARO

Harry (alias) Rick, Jon Pete and Perry

Traveling, 1969
Remember this photo Marta?

Today is the day June 29, 2007

Have a Happy Birthday. Spend time reflecting on how beautiful your life is. Then go out and party away. I wish I was there to celebrate with you like we did so many times in the past.
Missing you and our sister talks. Today I will think of the trip out west with both boys, Jon Peter and Perry. Paul Tomsick and I are looking out in awe at the Grand Canyon. Phyllis and Harry are smiling away. Harry put the child carrier on his back and off we went to explore. We were able to carry the kids and our purses, diaper bags and still walk for hours. It was a purely happy time. I love you and all that you have and still add to my life. Happy B-day. I will be thinking of you. (I wonder if Paul Tomsick and Harry hang out?)
Marta

Happy Happy Birthday Baby

Thats Sandra Twemlow, my buddy my pal, she left this world this week, Jerry Randazzo, neighbor boy. It was his clothes I borrowed for Elvis. We were dancing the "Chicken", the first rock n roll dance without holding hands. Daniel and Cal. The record playing was "Party Doll" Only one rock station that came out of Canada, back then.

plus the only record we had that we shared.

We Had Joy, We Had Fun We Had Seasons in the Sun

Memories in the corners of my mind. An Angel in my life. I was so fortunate to have known Sandy. We were 11 ..She took me by the hand and showed me the way home from school on my first day. Hamilton Elementary in Detroit, Michigan. She brought me all my firsts. My first dance. Taught me how to swim under water so I would not drown. Taught me to ice skate, climb trees. We built our own tree house -in Chandler Park- simple park bench up in a tree so we could sit and smoke a couple of Lucky Strikes and dream sweet dreams and get high from cigs.. Horseback riding, skip school in the 6th grade to go to the state fair. She fit perfect on my handle bars on my 24 inch bike called the Nellie bell. We rode everywhere till we got old enough to drive and when her legs became to long for the bike. Our social security card was only one number different. We walked in knee deep snow for blocks wearing mit shoes so that we could get our social security cards so we could work and make money. We were 14 years old. Our first job -- Woolworths Dime Store in downtown Detroit. She worked behind the candy counter and at times you could find her sleeping underneath the counter on one of the shelves.haha. She would buy clothes and I would buy food. Our first boyfriend we shared. He was a beautiful marine named Jim Fell...he fell for us both haha. She was enchanting, funny, wise and fearless. She was my first dancing partner. She was so small I could throw her over my shoulder. She got me and I got her. We always laughed. haha.. Her tragedies were always turned into a comedy...She taught me how to love myself by loving me. My mother was her mother. Her mother was my friend. She entered me in the talent contest to do Elvis...I had no choice. She was my true friend. My buddy, my childhood dreamer. She saved me and I saved her. I am sorry I could not be there for her in our adult life but she was always there for me. When I was going through treatment for cancer, she talked to me on cassette tapes and was sure to send me one every day. I would play them on my 2 hour drive to get radiation, everyday for 6 weeks. She was my support system. We knew each other inside and out, within our hearts. We took the vow to be blood sisters by cutting our thumbs with a knife and pressing them together. Its not over Honey. I remember everything. How lucky we were to have each other. The last thing I said to her was, "please don't leave me. What will I do without you? Even though I can't see you, just knowing your there, you know?" She said, "I know." We both said I love you. Good bye my Lovely, fearless friend, until we meet again. Thank you for everything, my buddy, my blood sister. I know you will be there still singing Mr. Sandman. All the pain gone. Taking me by the hand and showing me the way home.

Coming and Going

Happy Happy Birthday Kathy. Don't feel sad. It is Sandy's Birth Day too. Forever and ever. June 25, 2007.

shapeshifting

I am going into the silence to view my celestral pathway into my future Birth.

"I had no idea she left". "Sam is that you"?

The Long and winding road

Summer Solstice was of sequence and stirring up the bonfire memories.I travel back in time and I see the old path that had little meaning except perhaps of survival. Tracing the road, each stop I seemed to be saved. Then upon the bonfire there it was the bigger picture. The one we never see. Each stop was filled with sprinkled star dust, to find the receiving was full of giving. Around about to come to full circle and meaning.

Changes

My three favorite people. Barb with her red hair, she looks like Lucille Ball. I look like Ethel with my arm around Our good man Marty. Well now I am a redhead and Barb is naturale. Life changes and now there are only two. Marty took up a huge space in this world of ours. His memory is strong and alive in all of us. Thank you for sharing him with me Barb. Only true love can have that kind of trust.

Double click on photo and get a closer look.

New Year's Eve 2006

My daughter smiling. I love when she smiles

Solstice

The Summer Solstice begins when the sun reaches its highest point directly over the Tropic of Cancer at 23 degrees 27 minutes north, countless festivities will begin June 21st.
In the beginning of Summer we pay homage to the Sun and the Earth. The whole of life is praised in this event. The beginning of hope and clearance of thought. Freedom from all mandune concerns To worship a greater and more important presence of change. For the American Indians it is rebirth and regeneration, with drumming rituals. For Shakespeare it was "Midsummer Nights Dream." What will it be for you?

Deep Thoughts for Today

"I have to figure out how I can consolidate all my bills and dental into a brand New Car Payment". haha.

Did you miss me? SHE'S BACK!

That is a rock in his hand. Photo by Perry Hagopian

Took my first trip to the Island. I developed some kind of throat thing from the road. I figure it must be a combination of exhaust, no muffler, blowing wind from New York City, no air conditioning, and ten million trees and flowers in bloom. Ahh but it was worth it...The cottage is completely enchanting. I flipped right back to Michigan. In a boat in 2 feet of water, low tide. haha. Quaint cottages everywhere, woods in the backyard, screened in porch, coziness everywhere. Oh and we marked our territory. Shadow the black dog who watches the house is going to be confused. haha. Congratulations! Perry and Laurel, It's a keeper.
Then there was King Louis. He and I played in his pool all day. Then I watched him play and make mud puddles he was completely engrossed in. Once again, enchantment. Where was my Grandmother when I was little? Did she see me patching holes in the pool hall walls next door, with my mud pies? haha. Oh that's right, she was sitting in her swing on the porch. Again, enchantment. We are making memories. Will Lou ever remember me watching him play out his fantasy? I hope so. Cause that is my job forever and ever.

Hello Mother

I never understood my Mother. She didn't have a Blog!

Maybe There is a Third Choice

Should I go or should I not. Such choices when the heart knows what to do. Swayed away from the view at the top. The beauty of the Valley when the mountain moves away. Get out of the way I say. To late the mountain has come to us. Over shadowing as we continue the climb. Some day you will see the valley from the mountain top. Like the song, you will see forever on its clearest day. The choice is all there is. It's ok, My darling My sweet.

Degas painting, Reflections of the Dance by Phi

It is all about the movement and contours and lines.
The Inner expansion facing the outer limits of time and practice and grace. How do we find our way to express the notion that we are more than we can possibly reveal in our vision of our inspiring truth? Should we be tried and tested until there is nothing left inside? Is it then that we accomplish our most desirous goals, when we are emptied of all that is in our capacity to contain? Is it then that we will understand the hidden meaning of the Dance? Will there be more?
Faith and Hope and in Giving, is the Holy Truth within our Being. There is more, there is always more.

Directions

You can click on photos to enlarge them for a better look. Then just go back or click off and it will too. Give it a try. Cheers!

Nancy with the laughing face

There she was across the room. Her eyes asking me what I thought of her new hair growth. Thinking she was in a funny state I commented stupidly.
When we hurt someone we suffer more then they do. It feels like a knife. What can I say, just typical verbal spillage on my part. Where mind stuff takes a vacation in some vacant lot. Please don't be sad. Your my giggle pad.

Question Answer

How do we get over something that is all about our humanness?
Do we embrace it or slay it?
I say slay it and be done with it.
What of the human score? How do we keep the music playing?
Turn the Tremble up and listen.....

Quote by Phi Photo by MARO

How hard do we have to work? We don't its all an illusion. But oh the thrill of discovery along the way. Lights up our minds and feeds our soul's intent.

Monday June 11, 2007

Today I saw the perfect Rainbow in a perfect arch across the sky and then there was a second one. I had never seen two before ever, accept in photographs. So I made two wishes for two wonderful people in my life. Blessings!

Gemini Kind of Day

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARTA!

Quote

"Imagination is more important than knowledge.— Albert Einstein"

Daughter Maro, June 10, 2007

Determination at its finest. The lamp is on.

Son Perry, June 10, 2007

There is something in your eyes. I see a Love Light where your at.

Lost Sanmari June 9, 2007, photo by Maro

In the middle of the night I awaken to write. A possiblity of maybe seeing what Its all about. Thoughts seem to surface that I refuse awakened. Old longings pressing upon my heart like an old lost friend. Tears and wondering. Who are you? What is it all about? Where is this thing that evades my grasp? Filtering down upon my mind like some foggy sea mist. Tell me now maybe I can take it. Maybe it will become clear and I can kiss it good night, to fall restfully away from its might. Layers upon layers slowly being loosened, for the pain nudges my soul to awaken to its grace. I know why you have come here with me in hand old foolish thoughts. You know the depth you bring is more then is possible to view. Yet I stand at the threshold awaiting and knowing and yet unknowing the possible range of thy wings. Why does it seem like dread when it's true and lasting love that guides the plane? Stay close I do want to see. I do want to be shown the joy that awaits in the shadows of my becoming. Soon it will be light and this will all be forgotten and the layers will close once again until another awakened night.

By Phi

Smart Bells June 7, 2007

THE ARCH

Smart Bells exercise class was filmed this morning. It was the biggest class I have ever experienced. Our instructor Ujjala Schwartz, thought no one would show up. Everyone showed up and why wouldn't they? She has given so much time and energy to cancer patients in her spirit and wellness program. Well I was asked to say something in front of the camera. I don't know I mumbled something about being a part of it since the beginning, when Ujjala brought the spiritual into action by bringing smart bells to cancer patients. That was the only clear sentence, the rest was fragmented sentences, mumbled words, which I have little memory of. The eye of the camera on mine, freaks out my soul and humbles my ego and I get lost...so what can I say I committed emotional suicide. haha. They won't be using any of it. So that is a relief. haha. There were plenty of praises of the wonderful effects the smart bell program has had on cancer patients. Continued success to Paul inventor and Ujjala, spiritual fitness instructor.

Lydia's World June 6, 2007

Barbara, Bobbie, Tory, Moira and I, piled into Bobbie's car with cherries in hand. As in old home week, never missing a beat, in-tune, close, shoulder to shoulder we blessed each other's presence to descend upon our littlest Angel. Lydia's World. On top of those wonderful sacred grounds where Mark tends, is their log cabin. An unforgettable experience which will live in us forever. Our greetings of old lost dreams renewed. Wonderfully home grown foods, cooked outside from a ground fire, by Mark. Sheep talking to horses and birds talking to sheep was our background music. Two out of 3 sons, Jonathon and Joey, all grown and handsome. So proud, so sweet and true of their place beside us. Graced with Susan an old friend. What a wonderful sight.
We embraced one of their sunsets, all colorful and new to us.
Games of old, passes the silent object to one another in preparation for our Circle Improv. We filled the hills with uncontrolled laughter and created the atmosphere for inner and outer cleansing of the layers. Opening the fields for the Healing Circle Improv to plant the seeds for pleasurable rays of Light to descend upon our Littlest Angel. She surrendered for she had not forgotten her place amongst us. Truly this moment will last forever in our knowing that Peace and Love is our greatest gift of healing.
Angels come together from the seen to the unseen in the Love and the Light with grateful hearts, Blesses the Earth Plane and beyond.
5 Powerful Cancer Sun Signs and one Fired up Leo and one Hunky Man.
Healing Circle Improv

Lydia oh Sweet Lydia

There you are Sweet Lydia. Our Littlest Angel. Your toes just touch the water. So powerful and strong and filled with the sweet essence of Life. I see you now with smiles that break through the showers. Never regret what was or what is to come. For it simply is the voice calling in the night to show you the rain is the bow that points the arrow to your higher self to be revealed. The Earth Angels and the Heavenly Angels have heard you and surround you in the Love Light.

The Healing Circle Improv

Weekly quote by Phi

A week full of healing and giving and caring and being there when you least expect you will be. How enchanting it is when you just let go and be free. The love that is in you comes forth and claims its atmospheric right to be enbraced. Ahh such enchantment.

Here they are My Weekend Visitors

I really enjoyed my daughter in law. She is a Gem more then I can ever ask for. She knows how to chill out and make me feel like it was the best thing that ever happened to her, by being here with me. I have been Blessed. Thank you God and Thank you Perry. Love and Light today and always.

My Love Light

Louis my Grandson, our New York City Boy, was at home in the country with Grandma. He was full of energy and ripped through my apartment like some restless city boy. I loved every minute watching him creating his fantasy world. Making my little apartment into his own little Mansion. To be as a child, I know now what that means.

Honeymoon Hotel 1965

A room full of loving people still I am alone in my aloneness. I am consumed by the void. Temptation really is the lonely heart longing for its home.

National Cancer Survivors Day

Today we honored ourselves. We who have lived to see this day, another day. To share a path with so many wonderful people who have been left with scars and torn dreams. My name was called and to hear 19 years seemed so shocking to me. Has it been that long? We have come along way baby. 19 years ago. I was not even considered in my own cancer diagnosis as someone who had any say at all. I went along the tortured path because my husband liked the surgeons eyes. haha...My husband knew something I didn't. I am still here.
Hurray for all you thrivers. And to all those who know how to look deep into the eyes of the outsiders. We Are All One In The Holy Sense Of Self. Dare to ask me what that means.

Medium

Photo by Perry Hagopian I love how the Green enhances her psychic aura.

My Son Perry's Published Photos

Photo by Perry Hagopian, I just love this one. The dark side is always mysteriously magnetic.

June Baby, skywatcher

So many wonderful sweet smells and lovely sights. What a great month. What with Venus being in the Heavens all Month there just may be a chance I will get a date. haha. ahh after 13 years the chances are slim. Ahh quiet down, those gemini planets never leave me alone. I am a Moonchild with gemini in there every which way...leaves for a very exciting life even without dates. haha.